A couple of weeks ago I met a young gal, W, my friend’s niece. W was interested in chatting with me about her upcoming travels to Europe and India. She told me about her open-ended plans to travel the world and asked if I had any advice.
“How old are you?” I asked.
“Seventeen. You’re going to tell me not to go, aren’t you?”
“Nope. I’m just going to suggest you be careful.”
The “problem” with W is that she’s gorgeous. She turns heads when she walks in the room. But not in a I-know-I’m-hot kind of way. More in a, I’m-a-little-shy-but-I’m-really-eager-to-learn-all-about-the-world kind of way. She wants to chat with everyone and everyone wants to chat with her.
And it’s this naivete that has me most concerned.
Because I grew up in New Jersey, a bit more than a stone’s throw from the Big Apple, I inherited a certain amount of street smarts. It’s a don’t-mess-with-me attitude that, I know, stretches beyond the streets. But I’m quite aware that this has helped me have safe travels. I walk with an air of self-confidence and I’ve learned to be cognizant of everything that’s going on around me. It’s actually to an annoying degree because it’s hard to relax when I’m always on guard.
I would never advise someone to not travel. Nor would I sway them from going to a destination because she might be hassled. But, because of my experience, I’ve always recommended that if a woman has some trepidation before she sets out on a journey, she take a self-defense class and take some baby steps in getting used to being out there in the world. This will help her build some confidence, hold herself up straight and develop some of that attitude that may give a potential thief pause to mess with her. Just as a pack of animals will pounce on weak prey, so will a thief on a lost tourist.
W’s long flowing blond hair, blue eyes and smiling face will turn more than a head or two in India, but that doesn’t mean she should stay home. She’ll have a different experience than that of a dark-haired, olive-skinned woman. But, she should embrace the differences and prepare accordingly.
Here’s my advice for a young woman in W’s position:
1. Heed advice from others. Talk to as many people as possible who’ve traveled to the destinations you’re planning to visit – except for those who say “don’t go”.
2. Dress conservatively – even on beaches. You’ll want to do a little research before you set out to determine what’s appropriate at your destination. Europe and India will be quite different in terms of what’s acceptable clothing, but you’ll still want to be more conservative than usual. Even on beaches, where you are likely to be wearing a bathing suit, cover yourself up with a sarong if men (locals and foreigners) try to chat you up. In India, men are known to lurk in the palm trees – they don’t often get to see so much skin so they hang out just to sneak a peek at the westerners who are more than willing to show it all.
3. Be yourself. W had suggested that she cut her long blond hair before she leaves home. I don’t think this is necessary but be aware that your beautiful mane is going to attract attention. LOTS OF ATTENTION. Especially in countries like India, where blonds are rarely seen. Wear it in a ponytail and play it down.
4. Don’t chat with everyone. Your innocent interest in the world can easily be misunderstood by men from Seattle to Saigon. Make it clear that you are not interested in them and invent a boyfriend that you’re going to be meeting up with at your next destination. Wear a fake engagement ring if you must and carry a picture of a burly young man that you can show off to others.
5. Don’t be afraid to say “no”. I’ve interviewed hundreds of women for my books and website and those whom have found themselves in trouble are the ones that felt like something was wrong about a situation but didn’t want to be rude or didn’t know what to say to the man they were with. If you find yourself in an awkward situation – such as traveling in a taxi with a fellow traveler who’s coming on to you – bitch slap him if you have to. Show him who’s boss and that you won’t put up with bad behavior.
6. Lie about your age. Yeah, we do it all the time, don’t we? But usually we say we’re younger than we are. In this case, add a couple of years to your age – you’ll appear less naive about the ways of the world.
My usual suggestions apply, too. Pack light, carry contact info for the closest embassy or consulate and have emergency contact info either for someone whom you can contact in-country or your family and/or friends at home.
In general, the world IS a safe place. And you’d be amazed to find that it’s less safe in the U.S. than in many other countries. But don’t ignore the fact that you have to take some responsibility for your own safety.
Travel Well,
Beth
Photo: mikebaird
Related links:
Medical Tourism: Dental Work in Bangkok
Understanding Travel Insurance
How Not to be a Trashy Tourist
Tips for Reverse Culture Shock
Using Your Cell Phone Abroad: A Primer
Booking Advice in Today’s Climate
Tim says
My wife had dark hair and eyes and can blend in well from Turkey to India to Mexico, but she still wore a fake wedding ring before we were married and she got a real one. Good advice all around. There are a lot of sexually frustrated men out there (especially in India and Muslim countries) and though they won’t usually harm you in any way, they will hassle you to death if you’re not firm and, as you say, street-smart and confident.
MudslideMama says
I especially agree with #5. We have to show our daughters that being assertive is important, even if that means some people call them bad words.
Candice says
I am also very blond with blue eyes and was told to be very careful in India, Turkey etc. I think it is important to be assertive but in some situations your age (and therefore life experience) gives you away and I would encourage W to perhaps look for someone to travel with, even if it is just another girl.
There are many sites and forums where you can find someone also looking for a travel buddy and I would strongly advise her to at least give it a try (if she can’t persuade anyone she knows from home).
I’m all for heading out into the wild blue yonder and experiencing life to the fullest and I commend W for being so brave – but lets practice caution as a default, or at least until you have travelled enough to know when a situation has the potential to become dangerous or harm you in any way.
Kari says
This is such great advice, Beth! I really hope that W will heed your advice – teenagers are so reluctant to listen to adults because they tend to think they know it all already, and no harm can possibly come to them. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.
Wynn says
Hi Beth. I thank you for not saying “do not go” to W. Interestingly, my names starts with a W and thus, I felt you are speaking out to me because I am heading on my solo round the world trip next year. I have met many who told me I’m crazy (when I told them my open-ended plans), and just as many who are excited for me. I have decided to embark on the journey of my lifetime and I am fill with anticipation. I thank you for the above advice from the bottom of my heart.
Caitlin says
Good advice. I would also add that most rape is committed by someone known to the victim, so it’s not just the dodgy strangers you need to worry about, but also the guys you might be hanging out with. Nothing wrong with sex, as long as you take precautions of course, but no one should ever make you do anything you don’t want to do.
Cathy says
I’m a blue-eyed blond that lived in Ecuador for two years, arriving there at age 17, and I appreciate it that you aren’t advising your acquaintance not to go. I had amazing experiences, a couple of which involved me not being careful enough to deserve to have gotten out of them. By the time I left, I had developed some safety rules that even my hyper-cautious husband can’t find fault with today and are similar to some that you mentioned. I look like I know where I’m going even when I’m lost by looking forward, walking with confidence, and never pulling out a map unless I’m away from large masses of people. I avoid situations that make me nervous, no matter how ridiculous it makes me look (things like crossing the street to avoid groups of men, pestering a security guard to walk me to my car, or hopping out of an elevator if someone(s) scary get in and I’m alone). I also learned to be rude if that was the only way to convince a guy that I wasn’t interested. I’d rather offend an innocent flirt or two than end up encouraging the wrong monster or leech, only to spend days or weeks shaking him off. Best of luck to W!
Donald B. MacGowan says
The hair is definitely the thing…one of my favorite travel memories is being in the central bus station in Arequipa with my girlfriend at the time, who had long, gorgeous blonde hair. We’d been in the mountains for 3 weeks climbing and were on our way south for some post-expedition R&R, but had endured several long, hot, bumpy bus rides. She was exhausted.
She piled our packs on the floor and laid down on top of them to nap while I went to check schedules and guy tickets, get us something to eat.
When I returned, about 15 minutes later, she was sound asleep on top of our gear, surrounded by several women who were quietly inspecting her hair as she slept.
They didn’t realize it was real–they were wondering what she had done to get that color.
Blonde hair in the 3rd world is like a red flag to a bull–and the author is absolutely right, it will attract a lot of attention; how you carry and present yourself will determine if that attention is positive or dangerous.
Melanie says
While that’s certainly good advice — probably the best you can give for that situation — women should nonetheless realize that self confidence and awareness of their surroundings does not make them immune to trouble. Comment #8 bothered me because it says that “how you carry and present yourself will determine if that attention is positive or dangerous.” There is a good point in both that comment and in your article that presenting yourself in a certain way will lessen the danger, but the truth is that you (meaning any traveler) will run into situations where you are not going to be completely in control of another person’s actions/reactions toward you, regardless of how you’re dressing or the confidence you project. In S. Korea, my blonde hair attracts a lot of attention. One time, while waiting for a subway train, a man approached me and offered money for sex, assuming I was a prostitute. I was wearing jeans (NOT tight), a baggy jacket, a scarf — completely conservative attire — AND carrying a Lonely Planet guidebook in my hand. There was absolutely nothing about my appearance, attitude, or actions to suggest I was anything but a tourist, yet my blonde hair got me in trouble. Fortunately, I was able to just run away without futher trouble, but the lesson I learned was that you can never fully control someone else’s actions, no matter how much you may wish to think otherwise.
Kris says
This is a great article Beth with sound, practical advise for women travelers. The comments have been equally as informative and compassionate. I also have street-smarts and common sense that was at a more conscious level than my female traveling companions. I would talk with them prior to our adventure and share with them my concerns about to young and attractive girls traveling. We would come up with strategies and signals. One thing that was consistent because they trusted my intuition about a questionable character or situation is that if I said, “Let’s skip it or him/her.” they would understand why. I’ve never missed out on an adventure, but I also I haven’t been robbed, mugged, raped, or beaten and I thank my intuition and trusting friends for that fact. Happy Travels to W and I encourage her to travel with a companion and come up with some strategies and signals in case an experience arises where harm or ill-fortune could result. Cheers!