Everything has the possibility to teach us something. We might not like every lesson but it teaches us something nonetheless. We are always learning. Moving abroad has taught me a lot but maybe the biggest thing it has taught me is that universal lessons transcend specifics; universal lessons can be molded to fit any circumstance with any person in any place. We can all learn from each other. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a grandmother living in the house you’ve lived in for the last 30 years or on the C train to work, or in you’re high rise office in China; there is always something to be taught, and equally, something to be learned. We all have a unique platform in which we can share our own lessons with others.
Pack lightly.
You don’t need nearly as much as you think you need. We have a tendency to want and collect – to store, to stash, to stock up, to stowaway. On the neater end we call it saving; on the uglier end we call it hoarding. We grow an attachment for things. We buy. We buy more. We hold onto things in fear that someday again we’ll need it again. But someday never comes and we never need it again (until, of course, the moment we throw it out). So if we won’t need it until we let it go, let it go. Clear it out, de-clutter, and make room for something more important, even if it is just open space. Letting go feels good. We don’t need to carry around so much stuff.
Don’t expect too much. Or too little.
Actually, don’t expect anything. Expectations can be dangerous. Before I arrived in Santo Domingo, I had a sandy, island picture mentally painted of what life on my rock would be. I was expecting everything to look Spanish Colonial: arched entryways, white stucco exteriors, Terracotta rooftops, ornamental iron work, and open courtyards. I found that in the Colonial Zone, but no where else. As for the rest of the city, there’s iron work alright – to prevent break ins. The point is, I had huge expectations of a place I had never been and was quite disappointed when I arrived. So, here I was disappointed and focused on what the city was not instead of embracing what the city was. On the other end, I was arriving here 8 months pregnant and wasn’t expecting much on the social scene – who wants to hang out with the prego? Within weeks, people were inviting us to parties, dinners, and get togethers and planning our meal train for the weeks following the birth of our daughter. Expectations are tricky and usually don’t align with reality so not setting any can suit you well.
Give yourself time. Wait.
Beginnings are scary. You know what else is scary? Lightning Storms. But most of us don’t go running into one – we wait it out. We wait until the calm. Essentially, that’s what I was told when I got here. Wait and see. In a few months you won’t feel so lost. And it was good advice. Sometimes the brave in us is missing. Sometimes we just have to stand still and wait for the brave to come.
Visit the Beach. Remember.
Why did you choose this? Why did you want this? We forget sometimes why we started something. We get lost. We lose the passion and fail to remember why we ever loved something so intensely in the first place. When this happens, the only repair is to remind yourself. Spend time rediscovering what you loved so much once. Focus your full attention on it because it’s simple: that which you focus on grows. If you forget to water your plants they die. If you forget why you love someone the relationship suffers. If you forget why you came here you start to resent it. When Husband and I visit the beach we remember why we love it here. We’re reminded that things aren’t always perfect but they’re perfect enough. Focus on what brought you to this place and what you loved about it and nurture that.
Embrace the Different.
If you wanted this new experience to be like your old experience then why did you leave? Sometimes when we are confronted with something new, we compare it to our old ways. Well, in This Place this is not how people did things. We say it with snark. We say it with judgement. We say it thinking that our old way of doing things is the right way. Here’s a thought: maybe the people you are judging are looking at you, wondering why you are doing things differently from them. Maybe they think you’re crazy. Maybe your way is wrong. But the truth is that there is no right or wrong because it’s all relative (and different) to where you are standing at this moment. What might fly here might not fly where you’re from and did you really expect it to? Did you even want it to? We leave our comfort zones to expand, to challenge ourself and discover something different from our own. That’s the beauty of travel. It’s also the beauty of life.
What lessons could you share with us? I’d love for you to share on Twitter and Instagram with the hashtags #expatvillage #lessonsforanysituation