A couple years before I met Big Papa, I dated someone for about six months. When that relationship ended, it really took the wind out of my sails. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming, but there I sat, in an all-too-familiar and very unhappy place. In the midst of my misery, I managed enough self-awareness to observe that I kept repeating dysfunctional dating patterns with some knock-off version of the same kind of guy. Like Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
I was done with walking in circles only to find myself back where I’d started. First, I found a fabulous therapist, which turned out to be a brilliant and life-changing maneuver on my part. Then I started knitting.
Knitting had experienced a renaissance about the time I gave it a go. This was not our grandmother’s tea cozy and afghan sort of knitting. The age of ‘Stitch ‘n Bitch’ had arrived. I joined the cool and hip take back crafting revolution.
When I was knitting, I was completely absorbed in some other-worldly dimension. Time passed without notice. Sound faded into the background and, miraculously, the tornado in my mind stopped spinning.
During this time, I remember one time when I was at my friend Jena’s house watching ‘Six Feet Under.’ She’d invited a few gals over and attempted to convince me, a non-T.V. watcher, that this was a show worth falling for. She kept trying to draw my attention to what was on the screen in front of me, but I was completely oblivious, enveloped in a world of my own.
I spent the better part of the next six months glazed over in a knitting haze. My first project was a cute little sleeveless top knitted with burgundy ribbon yarn. Next I tried my hand at felting, knitting up a purse big enough for an entire family, only to toss it in the washer and come out with a soft fuzzy raspberry-hued stylin’ bag. I knit and purled my way through a few classes and several chicks-only knitting circles. And then I stopped.
Maybe knitting had finished serving duty as a distraction in my life, or maybe it was just time to move on toward new goals. I still think fondly back on knitting and hope I might pick up the needles at some point down the road. In fact, I’ve thought about it quite frequently as our adoption journey saunters along.
If I had a penny for the number of times folks have advised “just keep busy,” I’d be sitting on a windfall. Countless adoption articles suggest a plethora of activities to “take your mind off the wait.”
Knit a blanket for the baby. Have a yard sale or donate old household items. Start a scrapbook. Go shopping for kid stuff. Go on vacation and enjoy time with your partner. Read about adoption. Join an adoption support group. Take classes and learn about your child’s culture, language, cuisine and traditions. Keep a journal or write letters to your child. And, the ever present, decorate the child’s room.
By now, if you’ve read a few of my posts, it’s pretty obvious I’m not a sit-on-the-couch-and-watch-Oprah sort of gal. I maintain two blogs, this blog about our adoption and another about our remodel of the Urban Cabin. I try to write two posts per week for each. I’m also a part-time editor for a non-profit organization that develops international HIV/AIDS/TB curriculum. We’re in the midst of our house remodel which is many small projects all rolled into one. I take spinning classes and lift weights six days a week. My father, who is in assisted living (and recently fell and broke six ribs) needs this or that on a weekly basis. I do my best to make time for a small cadre of friends. Recently there was all the planning involved in our trip to Armenia and, prior to that, the onslaught of paperwork, classes and dossier preparation.
Saying I’m a busy babe would be an understatement. But the truth is I still stress-out about the adoption. It’s not that I don’t have moments when I find myself in a blissful, mindful and unworried place. I do. Writing, cooking, photographing, spinning at the gym and time spent just hangin’ with Big Papa put me in a peaceful frame of mind. I don’t think about the adoption all the time, but it isn’t far removed much of the time.
It’s fair to say I still have a ways to go when it comes to quieting my mind. My brain easily slips into multi-tasking mode more than I might want it to. For someone who is a doer, like I am, I expect not-doing will always be a challenge. But I sure would like to work on finding my way down that path. Because despite what everyone tells me, I find that “keeping busy” only alleviates just so much mental gymnastics. At least for me.
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