By the time I met Big Papa, I’d done my fair share of online dating. I figured out pretty quickly that no matter how good someone “looked” on paper, there was no substitute for meeting in person. It’s impossible to define chemistry. Plus, I’d come to realize that what I sought was more than just a handsome face.
Big Papa had that certain something. There was no pretense, no smoke and mirrors. He played it as it lay. He was what I called, ‘a good egg.’
It took me longer than I care to admit to know myself and be true to the things that mattered most to me. When I reached my 40s, I made a long-due personal commitment to clarify how I wanted my life and relationships to look. Getting to that point, took plenty of soul searching, but when I did, my life began to fall into place.
Finding each other has been rewarding on many levels. We are a good team, “a force to be reckoned with” Big Papa has been known to say. We’re both straight-up honest, down-to-earth, what you see is that you get sort of people.
Our relationship has also helped me believe in serendipity. Some might call it fate or even faith. It is deeply comforting when good karma finds me, but only in more recent years have I found an awareness of the role I play in making this happen.
Big Papa likes a quote from W.H. Murray, a Scottish mountain climber. I like it too.
“This may sound too simple, but is great in consequence. Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”
Adopting a child holds many parallels. Adoptive parents think long and hard (and answer many questions) about what they are “looking for.” Race, ethnicity, gender, age and a host of physical and medical challenges, we tick these off as we form a picture in our heads of who our future kiddo might be.
For many of us, when we receive a referral or choose a waiting child, our whimsical fancy deepens. We fall in love with a photo and a description. A feeling takes hold in our heads and in our hearts that this child is our son, our daughter. We find ourselves drawn in by a twinkle in a little one’s eye or the magic in his laughter.
Taking that next step and making the commitment turns fantasy to reality. It’s daunting, to say the least. For those who haven’t adopted, it’s hard to put into words. Limitless hope, unrestrained excitement, and tremendous fear all manage to find a small corner of your mind to set up shop.
I’m not implying that parents who give birth to biological children don’t experience the same roller coaster of emotions, but with adoption two becoming three doesn’t just happen. You can’t simply climb under the sheets and get pregnant. You really have to put it out there with a dossier or a birth parent profile, countless investigations, interviews, and piles of background checks. Lots of hoops.
And then, one day, you find yourself staring at a photo of a kid who might become your kid. Something in the universe changes when you make that decision to commit. You grab hold of your heart and jump and the road rises up to meet you.
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