<a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/philgradwell/6872194351/” title=”44 of 366 by Phil Gradwell, on Flickr”><img src=”http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7042/6872194351_285358e317.jpg” width=”333″ height=”500″ alt=”44 of 366″></a>
Dear Spinning Instructor,
First of all, I know, I’m the one to blame in this situation. It was raining out and I decided to sign up for a spinning class rather than get drenched biking outside. I’m the one that decided to fake bike. Let’s just get that out in the open.
This being said, if I’m going to sit on a stationary bicycle and fake bike for an hour, I need some motivation. Old 80’s playbacks are not motivating. Visualizing peddling through sand in a dark room is not motivating. And I understand, really, I do, that you have limited tricks up your sleeve as to how to make spinning exciting. But let’s be clear, playing Billy Idol’s “Mony Mony” does not push me to climb up a pretend hill; it makes me feel like I’m 13 and at a bat mitzvah.
Listen, I’m sympathetic, I know how it is. I work as a river guide and know how hard it can be to get people pumped for physical activity. But honey, you gotta say more than one sentence every ten minutes. Besides the bad “Funky Cold Medina” blasting, it’s crickets. And I’m stuck fake biking. Breathing really hard, pretending to go somewhere. Do something – distract me with a story, yell at me – but just say something.
Lastly, never, and I mean never, have the hardest, longest (cricket-filled) fake biking climb paired with “Relax”, that awful 80’s song by Frankie Goes To Hollywood. How is this song motivating? I mean, have you ever even seen the movie “Zoolander”? Not only am I trying to get up an imaginary hill, but now all I can picture is Will Ferrell as Mugatu.
And that image my friend, is not helpful in my sweaty endeavor. Not in the slightest.
Good luck in your future classes. I hope you can incorporate these tips into your routine. Meanwhile, I’ll be outside, in the pouring rain, grinning from ear to ear as I peddle faster up an actual incline.
Adventure On,
Joslin
Flickr Creative Commons photo of instructor courtesy of Phil Gladwell.