On long weekends, most families that we know set their car dials to vacation mode and travel to one of the scenic destinations that we are fortunate enough to live near since we call this island “home.” Our little family usually stays behind. There are a few reasons for this, none of which matter right now to this story. Usually on these weekends, since we are not lounging on beach chairs and sipping coladas (at least not on the beach), we will allow push ourselves to “staycation” and try new things around 
the city. It was on one of these weekends that we finally ventured to a local panadería breakfast spot that we had been eying up for almost a year. We ordered our cappuccinos and our sandwiches at the counter and then found a table outside.
The waitress came with our cappuccinos but informed me that there was no mozzarella cheese for my Caprese sandwich. Since I had already studied the menu for far too long before choosing that sandwich, I knew that my back up choice would be the Lox Sandwich. She hesitated for a moment before informing me again that they didn’t have that either. I laughed awkwardly and asked to see the menu again. I eyed up the menu, hoping that something on the menu had changed or that I would spot something on there now that I hadn’t seen before. I wish I could tell you what I ended up ordering but I can’t recall because it obviously was not something to write home about. At least, I had a cappuccino… until I tasted it. Bleh.
“Stop drinking your cappuccino,” I said to Husband.
“What…why?”
“Does yours taste, I don’t know, just not right?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Let me try,” I demanded. I hesitantly took a sip of his, “Bleh. Seriously, babe. That’s even worse than mine. Don’t drink that.”
“What do you think it is?”
“It tastes like the milk is bad or something. Just don’t drink it.”
I walked our cappuccinos inside and awkwardly told the waitress that I believed the milk had soured. I ordered an espresso for Husband and decided I would give cappuccino another chance now that new milk was on its way. Now that she knew, they would be extra careful to make it perfectly delicious.
I sat back down at the table across from Husband and asked him, “Do you think this is super frustrating because we are expats and not from here?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if we were from here maybe I would be expecting these frustrations, ya know? And then I wouldn’t be so frustrated when they didn’t have something. When I’m told there’s ‘no mozzarella’ I’d be expecting it to some degree.” I paused. “Do you think it is harder being an expat when your home country is a place like the U.S. where everything is available all of the time and not only can I get unexpired milk but I can also choose whether I want whole milk, skim milk, soy milk, rice milk, coconut milk… you get the idea”
I started to dissect this thought:
If you come from the Land of Hard to Come By, you aren’t frustrated or angry when you can’t come by things. In fact, you are elated(!) when you are actually able to find them.
EXAMPLE: A few years ago finding Puffs (nope not the facial tissues or the yummy cheesy kind – the my-child-has-no-teeth-
and-this-is-a-great-snack kind) was like finding a magical leprechaun with his pot o’gold at the end of the rainbow. Puffs were freakin’ mystical. So much so that when Husband and I went home to NJ for summer break we bought about 10 packages and shipped them back with us. Last year during a trip to the supermarket, I saw them. Puffs. Just sitting there on aisle 9 with a heavenly angel ring circling above them. I snatched up 4 packages off the shelf (because 4 was all they had – sorry other moms!) and, leaving the shopping cart with the kids in it, ran sprinted to Husband to rejoice like I had just found that darn leprechaun handing over his golden nuggets. “Babe. PUUUFFFFFFS!” I slammed the Puffs on the ground like a pigskin in the end zone. I imagine that is what a Hail Mary touchdown might feel like.
Point being, because I wasn’t expecting to find them I was thrilled when I did.
But…
If you come from the Land of Plenty, where everything (and more) is at your fingertips, you are capital F frustrated when you can’t find something.
In the U.S. I can walk into any pharmacy – not even a SUPER store – and find 48 kinds of deodorant to choose from, 62 types of soap to wash with, 536 lip glosses to gloss with, 789 nail polish colors to paint with and that’s just the cosmetic aisle. On any day, at any time, in any season I will find spinach at the grocery store. There aren’t many restaurants that tell me they don’t have something unless it’s lobster and not in season and even then, I bet you most places will find me a lobster. It’s awesome…. when you’re in the Land of Plenty.
But…
When you take the Land of Plenty attitude and move overseas to the Land of Hard to Come By those two lands are inevitably going to collide. Lowering your expat expectations may help the collision.
In the three years that we’ve lived here, daily frustrations still occur but certainly not as often as they did when we first arrived and that’s not because the Land of Hard to Come By has become the Land of Getting Easier to Come By, it’s because you learn that you can do without most things. Oh there’s no spinach this week to add to our pasta, we’ll use arugula.
Reconditioning yourself takes a while. That morning without the mozzarella cheese or the Lox or the good milk I wanted to rip out a chunk of my hair and serve that to myself on a plate, so obviously my reconditioning is still under construction, but I swear, far better than where I was when we arrived. Like everything, it takes time. But maybe, also, I need to consider lowering my expat expectations.
We are fortunate enough to be from the Land of Plenty. Fortunate that we don’t want for the basic necessities in life – and Puffs – I could guarantee you – are not a basic necessity. But it is still hard to recognize that in moments of frustration.
* * *
The waitress walks towards our table with Husband’s espresso. No cappuccino. She repeats what I already told her, that the milk had soured, and then adds that there is no more milk. No cappuccino is coming.
Check, please.
Sometimes, you have to lower your expectations and sometimes it isn’t about lowering your expectations. Sometimes you just need to call a spade a spade. Sometimes a bad restaurant is just a bad restaurant.
~ Pack lightly. Live well. Move often. Repeat. ~
Photo Credits:
Image of After the Crisis BY HomeAndGardners.com Hail Mary Touchdown – Peter Dutton