I’m sure many of you may have noticed a song stuck in your head these last few days. Feel free to sing along…..
“It’s the end of the world as we know it,
It’s the end of the world as we know it,
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.”
It seems to be the theme song of the week. And why is Michael Stipe, of R.E.M., feeling so fine? Because he’s probably done his shopping and he is prepared for anything. Don’t worry WanderShoppers. I have done the research for you and can help you prepare for the end of the world or the very next day – whatever the outcome.
Of course I am referring to the popular belief that the Mayans have predicted that Friday, December 21st, will be the end of the world. People seem to be expecting all sorts of things to occur. Some seem to be counting on the world actually ending. That it will go out in a big way with earthquakes, other disasters and a rapid descent into total anarchy. Others on the opposite extreme see it as nothing more than the changing of the date, the predictable, weekly occurrence when Friday closes and Saturday begins. Others see this as a new era where there will be a shift in human consciousness. As I talk with people, I do find that most people do seem to have given it some thought. I’ve heard from friends that they are planning on eating some of their favorite food in case it’s the last time. Another has converted all his funds into cash so he can access it easily and will be spending the day at home. Another friend made sure her son traveled home for the holidays on the 20th so that he would be there with her. Some people are really starting to think this through.
So what’s all this fuss about? It all relates to interpretations of the Mayan calendar. The Maya were one of the most sophisticated civilizations in Mesoamerica having a well developed written language. Their advanced mathematics and astronomy knowledge also allowed them to create extensive cities with impressive buildings and structures. The Maya also had an advanced concept of time. Their priests were the day keepers and were able to track both the history of their people as well as project into the future. An important unit of time is the b’aktun which is equivalent to 144,000 days (or about 393 years.) A b’aktun can be thought of as a cycle. When this unit was adopted, the daykeepers projected back to the equivalent of our August 11, 3114 B.C. at the same time as they projected forward to the end of the 13th b’aktun which happens to be the date of December 21, 2012. That date also coincides with the winter solstice. The solstices were important dates to the Maya and you can see that reflected literally in their architecture as sunlight creates patterns on the sides of their pyramids on these days as well as showing through corridors. Their architecture and calculations were exacting.
To the Maya, 13 is considered a sacred number. December 21, 2012 is the last day of the 13th b’aktun. And most Mayan scholars would argue that the only thing the Maya intended at then end of the 13th b’aktun was that a new cycle would begin with the first day of the 14th b’aktun. There are no records left by the Maya that say anything about bad things happening in relation to that day, only that it will be the end of an important cycle.
In doing research on this, I have come across some pretty bizarre 2012ology predictions. Some people believe that Atlantis is going to rise up. Others expect that asteroids will start colliding or some other mysterious body will collide with earth causing catastrophic earthquakes. I also read about the sun causing some kind of magnetic event which will in turn make all human pineal glands release a hallucinogenic secretion causing one massive human acid trip. Even better is that extraterrestrials will return to earth to pick up the chosen ones and the meeting place for this event is a small village in France called Bugarach. This is some pretty heavy stuff to consider, especially since we only have one more day to prepare.
So my recommendation, dear WanderShoppers, is to decide what result you are going to get behind and then make sure you have the supplies you need to survive. Or maybe you increase your chances and pick a few. But you do need to get going on it. I understand that the Russians are already ahead of us and have cleared out store shelves of candles, matches and salt as well as public forums are describing how to forage for food. Time for us to get prepared so what type of person are you?
The Non-Believer : Life for you is going to carry on pretty much as before without a bump. At most, all you’re going to need is a new Mayan calendar – 14th b’aktun, of course.
The Practical Observer: With all the predictions, you figure that there is probably going to be some pretty interesting things going on so you’re going to want to be prepared to capture it all. I suggest you rush out and buy a new memory card or two for your camera. Make sure your batteries are charged up too. Plug in that iPhone while you still have power. Maybe get that photo album set up on FaceBook so you can share the apocalypse with your friends. Maybe pick up a voice recorder. Who wants to have to be writing down notes when your acid tripping neighbors are dodging asteroid strikes while hitching a ride from E.T.?
The Survivalist: My guess is that you have been waiting for a moment like this for years. I’m sure you already have your bunker built. You’ve also stocked it with gas masks, dried food, weapons and ammunition. You also know that you’re going to have to defend your supplies from your less prepared neighbors who by that time may resemble zombies. You are ready to go, so good job!
The New Age Hippy: You’ve also been dreaming of this day. At last, a new world consciousness is about to bloom. Your shopping list should include some crystals, incense, prayer beads, long flowing robes, tie-dyes, meditation supplies, sage for smudging. Review your mantras and prepare for us all to become one. Then “holla for your mala!”
The Celebrator: You know who you are. If you’re going down, you’re going out partying. Head to your nearest liquor store and stock up on all the booze, wine and beer you can load into your car. Grab some cups and jello mix and get making up those shots. Get a couple boxes of Mardi Gras beads. You can skip the condoms, ’cause who cares, right? And just in case the next morning does very painfully dawn, you should probably also stock up on aspirin and gift certificates for breakfast at Denny’s or IHOP. Make sure to get any other hangover cures you like too.
The Alien Groupee: You’re going to need to book that flight to France right away. Don’t forget your passport, not that you’ll need it to get back into the country. I understand that people are really beginning to converge on Bugarach. An English-French dictionary may come in handy as you make your way there. You may also want to pick up a synthesizer as I understand aliens really respond to certain tones. You’ll need to stand out in a crowd so review your dvd copy of Close Encounters to get the sequence right. You are preparing for the trip of a lifetime so don’t forget your neck pillow and eye shades, who knows how long the flight is back to their planet?!
The Fatalist: Planning on an awful, fiery Armageddon? Go big or go home, right?! Head over to Walgreens and get some sunscreen (at least 60 spf), sunglasses and burn cream. Stock up on bottled water as it’s going to get hot and you’ll be thirsty. Maybe some Gatorade to replace your electrolytes. You may also want to pick up a yoga mat so you can limber up so when the time comes, you can kiss your ass goodbye.
Or if you don’t fit into any of these categories, maybe you head south to Mexico or Guatemala and join the amused Mayans as they laugh at everyone else making much ado about nothing.
So which type of person are you?
Research & Inspiration: Tiffany McGillie
Photo credits:
2012 Doomsday: publishingarcheolog.blogspot.com
Planets collide: knowyourmeme.com
Mayan, Aztec, Oreo: knowyourmeme.com
Taco Bell: memebase.com
The End is Near: nowtheendbegins.com
Doomsday Must Haves: essentialhommemag.com
Survival Orb: knowyourmeme.com
Shock Top: ilovelocalplaces.net
7 Day Forecast: George Takei Facebook
Ho, Ho, Noooo!: offtopictim.com