Iron Man has armor; Super Man can fly; Wonder Woman carries a Lasso of Truth; but I know a few mothers traveling alone with children whose talents and accessories are so awe-inspiring, they put all these superheros to shame.
Because leaving the house with kids in tow – and no husband/partner/relative to sidekick – can be a challenge of intergalactic proportion. And only a parent who has attempted to go somewhere with a hungry, antsy, ornery, curious, energetic child will understand the superhuman skills it takes to return safely home again.
A parent who flies solo (literally or figuratively) with young ones can expect to develop the following comic book characteristics, turning them into very real superhero travelers:
- Wardrobe of Infinity – Because you never known when Bubs will spill something bright on a very white shirt, crawl through mud or launch a fecal-escaping diaper, having the right (fashionable) costume changes are key to your superhero image. No matter the weather, stain or situation, you are prepared with excess everything!
- Invincibility Shield – This see-through bubble, activated the second your child begins screaming in public, deflects the negative comments and annoyed glances of strangers and allows you to move on unfazed. Nothing can pierce its (or yours) thick protective skin.
- Nap Time Negotiation – Unlike other, more common travelers who plan itineraries around public transportation and weather patterns, you have the ability to precision-tune a schedule based solely on naps. Whether it’s maximizing windows of awake time or ensuring undisturbed sleep time, you master it all without damaging the day’s activities.
- Agenda-Bending Power – When you do have to change plans inadvertently based on elements beyond your control, absent are the worries and panic that attack a less confident traveler. For you are so used to reshaping the agenda around your child’s whims (and those darn naps) that alterations affect you like pebbles in a raging river: they barely cause a bump.
- Spacial Morphing – When threatened, you naturally expand into the space around you: claiming both armrests on the plane, zooming into the special family car park, slipping into that wee wedge in the extra-long queue. The laws of physics mean nothing when you’re in motion.
- Bottomless Bag of Distraction – That thing on your arm may look like a casual diaper bag or small backpack, but not even Mary Poppins could compete with the endless supply of treats, tricks and distractions inside. For every toddler’s meltdown, there is an equal and opposite outburst of joy – all it takes is finding the right item to turn their temper. (And you always find the right item).
- Arms of Steel – It doesn’t matter if your offspring are 10 pounds or 30, walking or not even sitting upright: more often than not, they end up in your arms. Add to this weight the Bottomless Bag of Distraction, your own purse, a stuffed toy, a collapsible stroller, suitcase, kid’s backpack, shopping basket and potentially 1-3 other children, and you are arguably stronger than The Hulk.
- General Fearlessness – Anything unsettling you see during your travels will be instantly downgraded to Scary Level 1, as it can never compare to the bodily functions, accidents, near-accidents, morbid imaginings and other horrific and/or disgusting things you experience as a parent.
Ready to work and volunteer your way around the world? Follow me on Facebook, Twitter and RSS/email. Until the next adventure! ~ Kelli
Photo credits: Hadyn Fitzpatrick and Lauren Savage