Having two small kids, both of which were born here, I get a lot of questions about having a family abroad. Interestingly, I also get asked about single life, or more accurately, if it is easier for singles or families to move abroad (or vice versa)?
Let’s get the short, obvious answer out of the way and say it’s different. While many feelings of anxiety, doubt. and being homesick will be the same no matter how big your party, the life of a single person abroad and that of a family abroad will vary in situations, from person to person, family to family.
Personality
I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure of being single and living abroad but when I was single I was the gal with no issue eating solo or buying a movie ticket for one. Visiting a bar alone was actually kind of fun because I’d usually make a BFF for the night. My guess is that while living abroad would have been a bit scary for me in the beginning, I would have adapted easily, making friends and exploring the country with few reservations. A more bashful personality will certainly still adapt to life overseas but it might take a longer period of adjustment and a clear understanding that spending time alone is a given. The grass is always greener, I guess, most parents I know would kill for some alone time, but I digress.
Physical
If we are looking solely on the physical side of living abroad, I’d have to say the singles have it. Watching our single friends reminds me of what my single life used to look like. I got to go wherever I wanted, see and eat whatever I wanted. I got to stay out, sleep in, and make whatever bad decision I wanted with only myself to worry about. I went away for the weekend, most weekends. I got to experience everything just for me and be selfish about it. Now, as a mom, I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times that I wish I had lived this experience before I was a parent, when I was free to be selfish; when I could see everything, do anything, and be anywhere without having to watch the clock so as to not miss the 12:00 nap. While we have seen and done a lot here with our young family, there is so much yet to be discovered and since packing up a van with children and all that travels with them is not a simple task, discovery usually gets put on hold. Staying home is easier than traveling with 200 pounds of baby gear and a flat tire on the highway is a much funnier story when your friends are in the back seat and not your hungry toddlers. Having children doesn’t lend itself effortlessly to flying by the seat of your pants or spontaneous adventure. It absolutely can be done – and I’m sure many parents do a far better job than I of thrill-seeking adventures – but it’s pretty hard to spend a whole day kiteboarding on the beautiful beach of Cabarete when your kids still eat sand. On the flip side, while the freedom to come and go as you please as a single person allows for much more exploring, exploration with kids takes on an equally excellent but distinct shape. Watching your child navigate two languages with ease is as awesome as navigating an ATV down the streets of some funky beach town. Hearing your kids squeal with utter delight is as fun as it used to be hearing my friends roar with laughter. It isn’t better, it’s different.
Emotional
But where the families pick up speed in the race is on the emotional track of living abroad. First, when it comes to personal worries, your biggest one is your children, so, all of the unnecessary worries you might have had on a solely personal level get pushed aside. You don’t have much time to focus intensely on what bothers you because taking care of your kids trumps all of it. A bigger advantage still is that families have an insta-support system. Husband is around if I have a bad day and my kids’ smiles make everything better. If I hated living here and never wanted to leave my house, I’d have someone to stay in with, talk to, eat meals with, and comfort me; someone to pour me a glass of wine and drink the whole bottle with. If I loved it here I’d have someone to come out with me, to go to restaurants with, to dance up on, to pour me a glass of wine, and drink the whole bottle with. With built-in reinforcements, families depend on one another, bonding heavily in this experience but the bond that a single person can form living abroad also has its perks. Because you have to depend on others outside of your family and because you have the time to nurture those relationships, you do. And in return, they depend on you; you become each other’s family.
Of course these are just generalizations. Like I said, it changes from person to person, family to family. I’ve made stronger bonds with single friends than I have with parent friends and I’ve seen single friends here who have done and explored less than some families I know. The truth is, it doesn’t matter if you are single or a family; we are all very much on the same boat. We all arrive nervous and excited. We all question life some days. What makes life abroad the experience it is, is that it isn’t easy, for anyone, not right away. We all have our obstacles and, in the end, it is that we get past those obstacles that makes the difference.