On my most recent flight home I traveled with Daughter who asked for gum about 36 times and spilled her trail mix more than once because she was trying to only fish out the M&Ms. Son played with the window so much, his finger got stuck in it… and then screamed bloody murder. Also along for the ride were our two fur-babies, one of which started barking before take off – did I mention she had already taken her meditation pill (which is really just a nicer word for tran-qui-li-zer). Thank God there’s Husband, my travel hero.
I began to think about what it would be like if I did indeed travel with other heroes – movie heroes – and what kind of terrible travel companions they would make. Here’s what I came up with.
1. The Terminator
The Terminator takes his responsibilities very seriously and never sways from the mission at hand – unless you re-program him or something – so I’m sure he would be reliable as far as booking reservations and being on time but who wants to have a lengthy conversation on a long flight with this monotone guy. And I could only imagine how annoying him saying, “I’ll be back” would be every single time he went to the bathroom. Plus, I’m not sure how we’d explain him at the metal detectors.
John McClane
Now I know John would shoot himself through his own shoulder (because he has indeed done that before) to save my life and the lives of fellow passengers and he’s a New York City police officer which makes him even cooler but trouble seems to find him wherever he goes. Guy can’t seem to get into a car or helicopter or train or airport or plane or elevator for that matter without it getting shot at. I mean, really, traveling is hard enough without having to worry about getting blown up.
Lara Croft
Lara is an aristocrat so she’s well traveled, athletic, and fearless. She’s also super hot so she’d probably get us out of heaps of trouble with her hot hair and hot six-pack and hot face and mainly hot boobs so obviously she’d make a terrible travel companion for purely selfish reasons – I don’t want to travel with someone that much hotter than me because no one wants to be the ugly friend. What? Just being honest.
Indiana Jones
Indiana’s fashion sense (and clothing color scheme that totally works with everything) is a fabulous reminder that we are in for great adventure! That jacket is to die for, he carries a man purse so I wouldn’t have to, and I would seriously borrow that hat all. the. time. But although he is super resourceful, his quest for constant excitement and danger is exhausting and he obviously has major daddy-didn’t-pay-me-enough-attention issues. Plus, who does he expect to handle snake or other gross situations? Me? I don’t even like beetles. Our travel companionship would be – Indiana Jones and the Temple of – DOOMED.
Hermione Granger
I bet lots of her spells would come in most handy when traveling. Heck, we might not even need to travel if she could Bibbidy-Bobbidy-Boo us to wherever we were going with her mad wizard skills but she’s kind of a know-it-all. I’m sure she’d be all No, I know where we’re going. No, this is the wrong direction. No you’re just an idiot non-magical muggle. (Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black.) There’s nothing worse than traveling around with someone who thinks they know everything.
Katniss Everdeen
I like her style. She’s calm and cool and wears badass outfits. Plus, I bet she could throw a few cute hairstyles my way. But maybe she could throw a smile my way too. She’s so serious. I’m not sure she knows how to have any fun and she’s just got too many committments. I mean, for the love of Panem, could we just get going already? Do we need to fight this revolution right now? Do we have to go back for Peeta? Grab your arrows and let’s go.
Jack Sparrow
Jack Sparrow would be sooooooo freaking fun to travel with. He’s not your typical hero but he’s really funny and drinks lots and lots of rum. He’s a guaranteed good time… when he’s not double-crossing you any chance he gets – so he’s a bit unreliable. Not to mention he’s always after booty and keeps company with other untrustworthy pirates and scurvy dogs. Sorry Jack, I think yo ho No. You’ll have to sail the travel ship without this first mate.
Wolverine
I bet Wolverine would have the greatest travel stories to tell and he hangs out with pretty X-traordinary company, but he’s so anti-social. He’s usually growly and grumpy with someone or leaves without telling anyone where he’s going. Not cool. He has a ton of bad dreams which usually end badly for the people around him and let’s not even talk about going through security with him. What a total nightmare!
Thanks movie heroes but I’ll stick with Husband, the Hero.
What hero do YOU think would make a terrible travel companion?
Photo Credits:
The Terminator – Dick Thomas Johnson
John McClane – Daiki Tomidokoro
Lara Croft – Cody Hough
Indiana Jones – davidd
Hermione Granger – ursulakm
Katniss Everdeen – (adapted [cropped] by Expat Village)
Jack Sparrow – Sandra Scherer
Wolverine – Sarah