There are not many things, going on our fourth year abroad, that I have not come to accept. I’m not saying some things don’t still annoy me (cars beeping at lights that have just turned green, going to the supermarket to discover they don’t have three of the four ingredients I need, the power in the kitchen always going out so why bother setting the stove clock) but I’ve settled into living around these things and have allowed perfect enough to be a quiet mantra. It may sound like a defeat but I assure you, for a perfectionist like me, it is more of an acceptance, a letting go – and for all but twice a year I manage just fine with perfect enough. Oct 7 and March 22 though are two days that I cannot come to terms with in my life abroad. My kids’ birthdays are full of grand celebrations: decorations, feasts and more friends than we could have ever imagined celebrating with but no family – no grandparents or aunts or uncles or cousins – and unlike the blinking time on the stove that is always wrong, I have an incredibly hard time accepting this perfect enough.
For my son’s first birthday, my in-laws planned a visit. The party itself – like his sister’s birthday parties – was fabulous: Popcorn Bar, Big Top circus cake, photo props – but what made it even better was being able to share one of our kids’ birthday parties with grandparents. There isn’t a birthday party that passes that I don’t wish we could be spending it with our family because Skyping with my mom on her only granddaughter’s birthday just doesn’t cut it. It is the only time I truly wish I didn’t make the decision to move abroad.
But this year I caught a break.
Normally back in Dominican Republic by mid-August, the kids and I stayed in NJ for an extra month to attend a wedding in mid-September. When my mom and sister both mentioned throwing a party for Daughter, even though her birthday isn’t until October, I jumped on the proverbial bandwagon. Heck, I steered the damn wagon. When else would we be able to celebrate one of the kids’ birthdays with some of the people we love most in our lives? With not much time, we went to work planning, prepping, and party executing.
With my daughter counting down her birthday party every day and an equal parts over-the-top exaggeration + love of planning parties that I share with my mom (since I had to get it from somewhere), the small, no fuss birthday I planned to have quickly became a Disney themed blowout once my mom and I were finished. My father who had over 100 balloons to blow up was not as excited.
Mickey tote bags, balloons, and streamers welcomed our guests. Balloons lined the entryway, hanging from the ceiling like snowflakes from Frozen. The princess piñata hung from the tent taunting kids all day. Mickey’s Hot Diggity Dogs and Captain Hook’s Kettle Treasure were served before eating catered Cuban cuisine from a favorite Cuban restaurant. For dessert, the princess cake stole the show while the Do You Want to Build A Snowman Ice Cream Station and Snow White’s Apple Making Station were also big hits. But the real showstopper was Daughter in her Princess Belle dress complete with glittery gold shoes, a tiara, and a light up wand. As one family member said, “She owned that dress.” We threw a lovely party with our family and yet it was still just perfect enough.
See the thing with life abroad (as in normal life too) that I’ve been realizing is that there is always a trade off. For a year full of sunny days, I trade in my favorite season of Autumn. For splendid days at the beach with margaritas, I trade in snow days cuddled up at home making hot chocolate and watching movies. For a birthday party surrounded with grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins, Husband – who had to start school 3 weeks ago – was the trade off. Now instead of Skyping with grandma, I was Skyping with Husband. Not a trade I much like.
When Daughter wearing her Princess dress walked out to the crowd who welcomed her with grasped hands and sighs and the Happy Birthday song, my heart swelled. This child that was once a small seed in my belly has grown into this little princess standing in front of me and she was so loved by all of these people here in NJ… and all of those people in the Dominican Republic… and by Husband who was with us via Skype. It didn’t matter where in the world all of these people were because the love was with her always, I thought, and just like that, it was perfect.
~ Pack lightly. Live well. Move often. Repeat. ~