On the outside looking in, one might think that everyone I encounter on this road abroad is the same kind of person, but similar to the fabric made of different threads we are unified only because of our differences. Here we are the same in our fabric of abroadness but different in so many threads. Even in a life abroad, where an overarching bond unites us, not everyone fits together. There are people who, on paper, should be the best of friends and then there are those, like the cow and Cattle Egret, that don’t make any sense at all but that become the unlikeliest of best friends. These stories are my favorite.
Have you ever seen these two in the field? Keeping pace together. Walking alongside each other. I never noticed them until Husband pointed them out to me a few years back and ever since then I always notice them. Big and small. Bird species and mammal species. Two legged and Four legged. What do they have in common?
On paper, not much. I doubt they are from the same background or alma mater. They probably don’t have the same religious or political background. They definitely don’t discuss their favorite TV shows or latest YouTube sensation. Yet interestingly, with seemingly nothing in common, they are always traveling side by side. What about these two makes sense?
Turns out, they help one another. The cow walks the field stirring up grasshoppers and other insects that the Cattle Egret snatches up to eat. In turn by snatching up the little insects, the Cattle Egret eats insects that bite and tend to disturb the cow. They have figured out that helping the one helps the other. They have made their friendship count for something beyond the superficial. They may not make sense to others based on appearance but in giving an unlikely friend a chance they have discovered their lives are better.
There are plenty of people that I have seen here that fall into that category. The first that comes to mind being an older, sporty grandma from Vermont who made best friends with a young, sassy thang from Michigan. On paper, you’d never peg them as “making sense” but in reality they were in complete unison. They were a perfect example of how opening your heart can create a beautiful bond. And because it is the end of the year, I’ve been thinking a lot about the cow and egret friendships, not just in life, but especially in school: friendships born out of a kind of necessity, the kind that don’t seem to make immediate sense. The kids that find companionship in the unlikeliest of places.
Having talked with a few others, I realized that there are so many more friendships like this, that as adults we may not be aware of. Kids that might not run with the crowd. I want these kids to know that their friendships are beautiful friendships. These are the friends that bite back your nagging enemies, that have your back, whose interests are your interests. And often, these are the friendships that build character because unlike the “herd,” with its pack mentality, the unlikeliest friendships push you off the bandwagon and force you to explore your surroundings.
I want them to realize what the herd behavior actually is. An animal in herd behavior, is scared, fleeing from danger and thinks that in order to reduce its danger it must be as close as possible to the center of the group. The clique herd seems united when in actuality all it is is a group of self-concerned individuals, looking, themselves, to survive in the pack. So the herd is a group bonded together by fear.
As a mother with two small children that will one day be in school facing issues like bullies and self worth (and herds), I think about the advice I would give my children. Do I tell them to find their place in a pack or do I tell them to find people the cow to their egret? I know what’d I’d tell them but I also need to show them. How important is it to remind ourselves (and our kids) that the grandest of friendships can come from the unlikeliest of friends, the people that maybe don’t make sense at first, the ones that need our help and in return whose help we could often use?
One of the coolest things about the road abroad is the people you meet on the journey. People who are different in individual thread but knit together by the fabric of abroadness. What better place to try and make all different kinds of friends, unlikely friends, than in an atmosphere that breeds such change? Living abroad gives you a different perspective on others but also a perspective on the differences of others. Take advantage.
Photo Credits: Cow and Egret – Calvin Smith Field of Cows and Egrets – Roger Wollstadt Fitting In – Les Haines