Do you want the honest truth?

One of the biggest surprises a westerner encounters when moving to Hong Kong – or China – is the approach here toward honesty. Americans tend to answer questions such as, “How do I look?” with monosyllabic answers like, “Fine!” or “Great!” Hardly ever will you hear, as I have here, “Not so good! You have gained weight! Too many dumplings! Ha Ha! Ha!”

Since moving to Hong Kong, I have been told that I look fat, need to color my hair,  and must be unwell.  I have been asked why American and English women have such big hips.  My husband fares no better responding to questions about why he is not tall like other Americans.

Let me be clear: these types of comments and questions are not considered rude or hurtful but simply – the truth. Just the other day, a friend told me about a meeting he had with his public relations manager where she retrieved from her portfolio a copy of his corporate portrait and said, “This picture is really bad. I’ve circled the areas that look especially awful. I would like to bring in a photographer to try to get a better picture of you. Is that okay?” Startled, he studied the photo– now splashed with red ink – and reluctantly agreed.

And it’s not just the Chinese. Our Philippino amah, Desiree, casually mentioned that she and her friends call one of the other helpers, who is short and plump, “fatty.” When I asked if this hurt the person in question’s feelings, she responded, “Why would it? She is fat! She knows she’s fat!” Desiree had only worked for us a short while when I exited my bedroom in new trousers and was told, “Oh! I always thought you were fat, but now I can see that it is just your jeans that make you look big.”

Once one gets used to the honesty – and accepts that it is given as a sign of closeness or comfort with you – it’s not so bad. I went out in a necklace and matching earrings one day in search of an opinion. Another mom at my daughter’s school volunteered with little prompting,  “I love the earrings but the necklace is not very pretty.” She crinkled her nose in case there was any doubt as to her meaning. 

So just when I thought I’d heard it all, my husband forwarded me an instant message his administrative assistant, Karen, had sent him from her desk, which sits about 3 feet outside his office door. He sent it to me with the subject, “Only in China.” Here it is:

Karen says:
your eyebrow is growing out
Karen says:
need to trim

Only in China indeed!